Now that you’re gone

Our tears were always at hand
Trapped behind the iron curtains of our resistance
As we laughed through wine and good spirits
We never found a lasting contentment
The resentment of time waving its scythe over our heads
Waiting for you to keep rising
Upon this road we tread into the distance without a sense of dread

We always laughed and sang
Until our blood ran a fiery red
And our eyes filled with tears as they closed in elation
The blind leading the blind
Hand in hand into joyous jubilation

You were never one to ration your “good”
Or afraid to savor moments
Living as if each day was your last
And the last days
Cherished memories of the distant past free from bad omen

You trudged through the miseries
until your bones hollowed with haunt
And the faint voices begging you to give up and give in
were more than a far off taunt

We still live today
without your breaths still fresh upon our flesh
Your memories are close
And your hand is still warm
But our hearts are now torn
Worn upon our sleeve as we grieve and mourn that you are now gone

All the wonderful places

I miss the places I have lived
on cold and grey weekday mornings
when the city smells of rain and winter
and I am alone
suspended upon the sidewalks of the world

New York calls me often
to return to midtown Manhattan
to watch people hurry past to work
as I lumber slowly
between nothingness
and the beginnings of another dream

I sit in a small café in Geneva
caught between reflections of two worlds
amidst laptops and laughter
the grey barriers of the overcast sky
and black coats of the occasional passersby
whizzing past the large glass windows

I look outside to Panama City
from behind brown curtains inside temperate rooms
watching the cars speed past
but the city grinding to a halt
in the humid tropical afternoon

I sit inside a warm vehicle in Mumbai
as people eat inside a small restaurant
I wipe the sweat from my brow
stirring the recollections inside my heart

I don’t always hear them call
but I hold their memory close
for when they flash within
I wish to return in kind
to the countless places I continue to find
to the countless places awakening inside my mind

Musical Chairs

Play the strings of my heart
One chord at a time
Sounding melodies of a love I so mourn
Seldom do I hear our sounds echo anymore
through the fancies our daily lives

The instruments of my soul
Stay silent as stolen breath
Gasping futility upon fury
To salvage the seeds of our dying love in little steps

My heart cannot compose
a tune more sombre
a note more subdued
a darkness so lacking in hues

Still you are beside me
Through the wails of our broken symphony
To once again find love
locked inside the chords of our disjointed harmony

Free as I’ve ever been

Days have passed in haste. I feel emptiness within, content but cold as the wind slashing across my face in winter’s grip. What will today bring that yesterday has not already prepared me for? Will the heavens accept me with open arms and the sun shine its warm and welcoming rays across my bodily being? Will I surpass and surmount my own expectations to finer phases of fulfillment?

The sounds of the slow grind of feet through the gravel walkways of winter roads fills my ears. My soul is no longer heavy. The weight has lifted to nothingness, and today I am free as ever. The ground crunches beneath my feet, my thoughts drifting along with the air, no longer pressed for resolve, no longer prodding me for answers and resolution. I am as free as lights across an open skyline.

I shuffle quickly through mud and rock to smoother terrain. It is here, upon moss pillows and isolated clouds, that the world will unravel in all its beauty. It is here where meanings will surface, and satisfaction will run synonymous with life.

The depths of her touch

Her palms are like silk to my hands of sandpaper
fluid in form
warm as apple pies and well wishes
Her touches are an embarrassment of riches
weaving into me a new fabric upon my skin so well worn

Torn as we are in different directions
I do not know her as anything else
She is a body in reflection
of my darkened complexion
I am a human subdued by her features I adorn

Born into sublimity
her depths I do praise
frail as withering petals
our struggling hearts in their broken ways

If days are numbered
her beauty is lettered in stone
I would lose myself all over again
only to have to find my way home

When I feel alive

I was once a breathing organism
a human being
a shape within a schism

Everything we once were
now isn’t

I could feel you at the tips of my fingers
the long nights we spent together
awake for hours

Everything we did to make each other feel better
as other halves
in discussions about forever

I was as crude as numbers
and you were beautiful like letters
I was good
and you were better
Life was short
and we weathered fire and high waters
ready to take on whatever

What ever happened to us?
Sitting together upon broken chairs
and crooked benches
Scribbling words to each other that meant more than the nothingness
into which they appeared

Where did we go when our tears dried?
Remember when we pried one another open?
Knowing we would live forever
Still hoping we never died
and the moments would live on
always
in the back of our minds
within the depths of our eyes

As free as we’ve ever been

My arms know of hurt
Like your heart knows of weight
Bruised and bare
My lips silenced
Crushed upon a broken will of battered stone

Still I sit upon the highest of rocks
The tallest of mountain peaks
Awaiting you to lock your fingers into my hands
Like we did on brighter days
When there was little soil to tarnish our outlines
But enough ground to bury our burdens

We ran free
through the gardens of life
When the mounds of mud upon our bodies didn’t matter
When the ground beneath our feet refused to shatter
When the skies rumbled in relish at our presence
And the mountains and the heavens roared beneath our feet in laughter at our essence

Nurturing Nature

Guts don’t know
but they feel
Instincts don’t always serve the civilized
but they reveal
Experience is a hard earned gift
for the living
Does poverty succumb
in the face of giving?

Living is lost when monotony is boss
We are keen on routines when time is the cost
Frost melts in the face of heat
but the sun rarely penetrates through clouds
Does humility take a back seat
when we venerate the proud?

You have lived and grown
Given and owned
Felt as much as you have known
Melted in warmth
As much as your warm heart has wished to turn to stone

You can throw a dog a bone
but trust and loyalty are earned
The ways of life are such
that there are some things I will never learn

When we are together

Under the blue skylight
Beneath the raindrops pattering across our roof
Within a valley surrounded by the forest
We are never far from our truth

Shut the windows to sounds and let’s open our eyes to our spaces
Make wishes upon stars
Name them for who we are
And move to where we live as a collage of our blended faces

Outer space is just a blank canvas
for me to paint you in our darkest hours
The traces of light you deliver
Sliver across my palette and shine
When we are together
Close and near
my dear, you are a heavenly time

Life after all

Take away the darkness in my eyes
and the rage within my tears
Take away the calluses on my heart
and the scabs on my soul I so fear

I clutch to the loose bandages
and botched plugs
keeping me whole
a piece among pieces
of patchwork and mold

I fold into the night
into shapes I cannot describe
I can no longer read the scribes of sanity and sanctity within my mind
which have long been defiled

But I live and love
and smile
as life goes on
mile after mile
even after all these years
even after all this while